I hope you’re appreciating my post titles of late, they’re jolly good, don’t you think?! 😁.
On Friday evening I didn’t remember that my productive day would lead to a pain-filled night, courtesy of my #spoonie conditions, and so I failed to take the double dose of medication that should have ensured that I slept regardless. Consequently, I spent the entire night awake, not even the beautiful tones of Neil Nunes reading the Shipping Forecast could placate the pain. I distracted the night away by reading and making occasional writing and journaling notes.
I took my daily digestive disorder medication around 8am yesterday. Breakfast was a treat of two cranberry and sultana hot cross buns and a large mug of tea. My ‘spoonieness’, exacerbated by lack of sleep, had me feeling very nauseous, weak, unsteady on my feet and fatigued. I climbed back into bed and with pain finally easing quickly fell asleep.
I slept for around five and a half hours until 4pm. I really dislike sleeping, even napping, during the day. It doesn’t fit with my orderly seize the day attitude. Going ‘against the grain’ is a requirement of living with chronic illness.
On waking I worried that I wouldn’t be able to sleep that night but then determined that I would.
I did some low-level activity, made and enjoyed a tasty dinner of two vegetarian sausages, root mash (pre-prepared) and peas, while silently rejoicing that this week I’d had the means to organise, fund and receive a supermarket grocery delivery. I emptied the dishwasher and washed some glass jars that I’d soaked for a time.
Later I did some writing, messaged a friend via social media then watched some telly on my tablet.I’d taken a double dose of my Fibromyalgia medication and soon felt sleepy. Pain grumbled then roared in my legs. I teetered on the edge of sleep, too drowsy to be of use to man or beast, automatically manoeuvring said legs in the manner of physiotherapy exercises hoping to gently soothe my sacroiliac joint and attendant pains. Thinking about that I realise that in my prone and feeble state I’d make a easy meal for a beast, so some use then …
At some point, soon after midnight I think, I dropped off. I woke briefly at 9am this morning, conscious but too groggy to be coherent, I quickly succumbed to sleep again. Next I woke at 1pm … really 2, since of course the clocks leapt forward overnight. Praise be for my automatically updating mobile phone and tablet computer. With a fancy for the horological, I’ve more than a few clocks to alter.
I caught my heart just before it sank at the realisation of another day half slept away. No matter, we’ve got this, I told it, or at least I encouraged myself with a general sense of that.
Blogging and a bath are the priorities of the remains of the day; insistent period pain and associated digestive consequences an unexpected companion.
That significant post that I mentioned the other day really needs to be written today as it’s a vital part of the process of trying to finally secure support, that process shifts up a gear tomorrow with a visit from my advocate.
It’s been a weekend of sunshine where I live: all clear blue skies and brightness. I’ve witnessed it fleetingly through my kitchen window. I ache to be out there, on a sunlit and ‘spring-embracing’ walk, but I shroud that desire and, to cope, focus instead on my alternative sunshine. I have food, I have some contact with friends, I’ve slept, I’ve been reading, I’m cleaner, I’M WRITING AGAIN, a vital meeting is set to take place tomorrow, I think there may be hope; there may not be enough hope. I’ll concentrate on the first part, leaving the latter part of that sentence – oh God, how it feels like a sentence to be served – to languish in the fog.
Dear Reader, I wish you some sunshine of your own.
x
My heart is set on living ... 