Daily Log: 6th April, 2017

I slept well, extensively actually – fot around 12 hours – that’s been the way of things during this crisis. I either sleep a lot or I don’t sleep at all. 

I’ve changed my bedding today, showered, cleaned my teeth, dressed, aired the bedroom and dusted the bedroom furniture. I’ve folded some clean laundry, washed a few dishes and emptied the dishwasher. 

read for a while, and I’ve played a few games of Mahjong. I haven’t played any computer games for years, but when an ad for a free version popped up on my tablet, I remembered that I had once loved playing Mahjong on some device or other. Within days I’d whipped through the 40-odd levels, finding it an outlet for my natural drive. I’ll admit I was disappointed not to receive onscreen fireworks or some sort of fanfare to mark the achievement :D! I’m still hoping to beat previous times but mostly now play because I find it mindful and therefore calming.

I’ve just shot about a foot in the air at the sound of my buzzer, I have a ridiculously exaggerated startle response. I pressed the button to open the street door without speaking into the intercom assuming it to be the early arrival of supermarket delivery of groceries that I’m expecting between 9-10pm. Delivery charges range from £7-£1; this slot is the cheapest.I haven’t eaten today so I’m looking forward to it arriving and having some supper. I thought my wait was over but with no sign of the delivery person nearly 10 minutes later, it looks like wishful thinking. I’ve stopped hovering by the front door, peering at intervals through the spyhole for signs of my shopping being lugged up the two flights of stairs to my flat.  

The rest of the evening holds promise of further writing, making notes ahead of a planned meeting with my advocate tomorrow, and catching up with MasterChef before reading then sleep. 

I’m clean! 

Having changed out of fetid pyjamas, showered and brushed my teeth, I’m back in the realm of daylight and a whiff of fresh air

While I’m happy to be more functioning, the more that I do, be it washing myself, eating, doing chores or whatever, the more  that I’m forced to confront how bad things are for me right now. Uh oh, there goes that guilt again that I spoke of in my last post .. I’m moaning/whining/being pathetic. I should think myself lucky, shut up and get on with it or, at the very least, seek to justify my every thought and action. Ho hum, I’ll try to ignore that.

Yesterday’s second dishwasher load has been unloaded, load number three is on the go and those few items that require handwashing are bathing in hot soapy water. I’ve stripped my bed, organised some paperwork for shredding, rinsed some items for recycling, and dealt with a pile of post.I’ve rested periodically, vital ‘spoonie‘ pacing, to try to avoid crashing and burning. Although, I’m sensing that the more I gather momentum the more I feel an urge to keep going and so resist the need to rest.

I’m now munching on some of last night’s banana loaf. Next I’ll wipe the kitchen work surfaces, do a quick swish and swipe in the bathroom and remake my bed, …then I’ll flop for a bit with BBC Radio iPlayer.

Daylight and a whiff of fresh air

It’s 6pm. I’m sprawled on my bed, tapping this out on my phone, squinting because I’m tired and I’m not wearing my specs. 

I’m feeling sore (meaning in this case in pain rather than angry or grumpy, should I happen to have any American readers :)) but I’m also feeling accomplished.

And here I relent, shift myself to close my bedroom window and the window blind, before putting on a light and then donning my specs after cleaning them. 

It’s not easy to type a blog post on a phone when you need to hold said phone at arm’s length to prevent the text from becoming blurry. I really need to visit my optician. I was due to have an eye test last June but have put it off because for now I can’t afford to buy a new pair of glasses.

Still, I digress, I’m feeling accomplished because I’ve had a productive day … although perhaps not what many people would consider all that productive or fruitful.

I spent an hour detangling my dirty matted hair; cleaned my teeth and took a shower for the first time in a fortnight, before getting dressed.I stripped my bed and threw open the bedroom window, giving me my first clear sight of daylight and.hint of fresh air in two weeks.

I liberated my kitchen from under the detritus strewn worktops by way of three dishwasher loads, a sinkful of dishes, and much wiping and tidying. 

With seven extremely brown bananas begging not to be wasted, I baked a quick batch of banana and oat bars using four of them (I’ll make a banana loaf tomorrow to use up the rest), four cups of organic porridge oats and eight tablespoons of milk. They make a healthy snack. They’re pretty irregular in size, today was not a day for perfectionism! BBC Radio 4 was a very welcome companion, particularly the engrossing Resistance by Val McDermid.

I cleared and dealt with the mound of mail piled behind my flat door, and organised a batch of recyclables.

I composed and sent vital emails to my physiotherapist and a local advocacy service. I’ve crunched my way through  a bowl of cornflakes, quaffed a very large mug of tea, and scoffed a couple of the banana oat bars. I’ve blogged … twice!

I am very tidy and very organised and other people often describe my home as immaculate. I care about and take care over my appearance. I’m also resourceful, driven and very self motivated. Exceptional circumstances left me unable to take care of myself or my home in recent weeks. Whatever you might imagine, I doubt that you could guess correctly … 

And on that thrilling cliffhamger, for now I must stop writing for the sake of my increasing pain levels, and your attention span ;), and I must remake my bed before I seize up entirely! 

See you anon …