Treadmill Tales – day something or other +2

Just a very quick update because it’s late (for a ‘spoonie’) and I need to eat then rest.

I couldn’t run yesterday much as my mind wanted to do so, my body was not capable. I was very fatigued after a poor night’s sleep; I got just four hours and that was broken. I had a busy day too, out and about and also carrying shopping. I arrived home at 4:30pm and it was all I could to collapse into bed soon afterwards.

Today I ran again and it felt really good. I listened to a track by Mike Oldfield called Crises. I’ve got a 20 minute version on my MP3 player. Give it a listen. The beginning instrumental section is rather mellow, then there’s an upbeat instrumental section, before some vocals, that was a perfect accompaniment for running. In fact, I rather wanted to dance!

I wanted to try to beat yesterday’s stats and thought I’d aim for a six minute run. At 5:30 I knew that I’d done enough for today. My goodness, I think I might actually be cracking this pacing malarkey at long last! It’s only taken me … YEARS and YEARS.

Stats:
Time – 5 minutes 37 seconds
Distance – 0.33miles
Pace – 3.7 miles per hour
Calories – 30

 

 

Treadmill Tales – day something or other!

I’m back in the zone 🙂 !! I’m hardly a boxing fan but somehow this music sums up the ‘training vibe’.

I’m feeling good – I’ll blog about the reasons for that later in the week when I’ve more time – and I was finally able to get back onto my treadmill this afternoon after a forced haitus of around two and a half weeks.

I felt like running and I did. I thought I might manage a six minute run, then I got sensible and thought I’d do four and a half minutes. As it turned out, I pushed it to five and felt jubilant. I’d finally dug out my old MP3 player. It was very cheap; it’s touchscreen but barely :-D, still it works and it’s stuffed full of all manner of music and podcasts. I love the treadmill but I need something to listen to, otherwise I get bored. I ran to the sounds of the Best of Abba.

Stats:
Time:- 5:09 minutes
Pace:- 3.7mph
Distance:- 0.30miles
Approx calories burned:- 27.3 calories

If you’re reading this in isolation, it’d be helpful for you to know that I’m returning to exercise after a long and serious illness and that I have some health issues that require me to build up slowly and carefully. Pacing is vital. I’ve crashed and burned so many times and have finally learned that lesson.

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Treadmill Tales: Days 18, 19, 20, 21 and 22

Day 22 (that’s today) stats:

15 minutes in total
Three minutes jogged at 3.4mph
then nine minutes walked at 3.7mph
and finally three minutes jogged at 3.7mph

Total distance – 0.89miles and total calories – 80.1. 

I haven’t been slacking, I promise, I wasn’t able to use the treadmill on Monday to Thursday this week due to fatigue … and just to clarify as some people do get confused, fatigue isn’t the same as normal tiredness, it’s extreme tiredness, like someone just plugged the plug cutting off the energy supply, you cease to function. My fatigue is related to my Fibromyalgia. I have been active this week – busy days out of the flat on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, so I have had some exercise. I am still getting over last week’s virus and I’ve had a LOT of stress to deal with this week in the form of assessment appointments for NHS trauma therapy, which gobbled spoons. I’ll explain why that came to be so difficult in a separate post. Some days I have crawled into bed before 8pm, once at 6:30pm!

I’d planned to make this a 15 minute week on the treadmill, repeating my stats from Day 17 each day. As I had missed four days, today I decided to push a little past those stats and jogged for a total of SIX instead of four minutes. It was hard work 😀 but satisfying … and I learned that I need to remember to remove my wig, if I’m wearing one (I have alopecia (female pattern balding), in case you’re wondering) before getting onto the treadmill because otherwise I really melt!

Treadmill Tales: Days 16 and 17

Still under the cosh of this virus, I skipped Day 16, but increased my time by two minutes today, Day 17, instead of by one in order to make up for that.

Time: 14 minutes
I jogged for the first three minutes at a pace of 3.4mph
the walked for the next 10 minutes at a pace of 3.7mph
before I jogged the final minute also at 3.7mph
Total distance: 0.83miles
Calories: 75.2

I’m happy with that but I feel pretty tired now because this virus is walloping me. I’m enjoying the jogging, although the last couple of sessions have been hard because of the added impact of the virus. Walking still feels a bit boring compared to jogging but increasing my pace today helped to keep me engaged.

Tomorrow is a rest day. I start a 15 minute week on Monday, by which time I hope to be through the worst of this virus. It’s frustrating me in its greedy consumption of spoons! I am feeling grotty, fatigued, slowed down and I’m much less productive as a result – which is risky for my mental health – but I am coping so far.

Treadmill Tales: #11

Day #11 should’ve been Saturday but since spoonie issues laid me low enough to be in bed for most of the day, I swapped my rest day and made Sunday Day #11 instead.

I’m up to 10 minutes and a half a mile. Inspired by my little two minute jog on Friday, I jogged for the first three minutes yesterday. In the back of my mind I was wondering whether I should really be doing it, but it felt good. On the treadmill I am on the flat and that seems to have less bearing on my pain levels than walking uphill or on stairs.

Actually, the little bit of light jogging felt REALLY good, because I felt like running again might actually be possible. I was surprised that I was able to sustain a three minute light jog after an extended period of inactivity including a four month period spent housebound and mostly bed bound, but immensely buoyed by it.

Stats: 10mins – first three minutes lightly jogged, walked for the remaining time.
Pace – 3.1mph
Distance – 0.51miles

Today will be another 10 minute session, I’ll start increasing my time by a minute a day again from tomorrow. I’ll begin slowly increasing my pace again from today.

I am really happy to be back on my treadmill.

Treadmill Tales: #7 and #8

Yesterday was a miss. I was due to increase from five to six minutes yesterday, but jumped instead to seven minutes today.

Stats: 0.35miles at 3.1mph – it felt slow today and I was itching to increase my pace, again I reined in Tigger and stuck to my plan! I’ll continue to increase my time by one minute from now on, on up to 20 minutes where I’ll reassess, then hopefully move on up to 30 minutes. From 10 minutes I can start to increase my pace … yay!

 

Heart REset on Living + 14 days

Fourteen days on from the day that my high school ‘bestie’s’ unexpected appearance on my doorstep tethered me to life, a lot has happened.

I’ve made a lot of progress away from the suicidal depths and towards my goal of thriving. I’ve already written about my adventures in admin. I *think* I’m winning so far but there’s more to do!

Here’s what I’ve done so far. I’ll give you a bullet list, I’m going to write another post, perhaps tomorrow, about MY BIG PLAN.  With me, there is ALWAYS a plan … even if at the worst of times, it’s only a suicide plan. I thrive on planning, targets and goals, proactivity and productivity. Did I ever mention that I’m a wee bit driven …

Perhaps having to make the best of terrible circumstances when I was younger is what helps me to capitalise on every scrap of hope, opportunity or potential. Regardless of the reason I’m very grateful for that capacity.

  • I’ve showered 13 out of those 14 days.
  • I’ve been out twice to take out my rubbish, twice to visit my GP surgery and once to go to the hospital – having vital physical health checks. Bearing in mind that prior to this I had been completely housebound for four months.
  • I’ve started on the road to rebuilding my fitness and stuck to my plan for that.
  • Progress is ongoing following my assessment for social care (a personal assistant for four hours per week) – I’ll blog separately about that.
  • I’ve set the ball rolling for a return to the physiotherapy treatment I was about to begin when the crisis that left me housebound hit in February. I may not be allowed to resume – a funding issue – but it won’t be for the want of trying.
  • My eating is improving – another more in a separate post for that!
  • I’ve been keeping in touch with friends via email and social media and they are keeping in touch with me. I feel that I’m rebuilding some old friendships and developing new ones – if you fall into either category and agree, do let me know, my friendship confidence is still a little shaky :-).
  • Another dear friend stepped up two weeks ago, asking how she could help, her message moved me to tears. It’s gratitude, she said, for a “normal” life. This is because of the research I did that helped to crack the conundrum of the rare condition that was devastating her life. She said, “I have never nor will I ever forget what you have done for me.” I well remember her illness, and know I did research but much beyond that is lost to me. This was soon after my abuse was uncovered and the rug was pulled out from under me. I was all over the place but I’m so glad I seemed to have pulled it out of the bag then. Her words mean the world to me.
  • I asked a Twitter pal if she’d like to meet up next year – there’s reason for it being next year – and she said yes, which is lovely, and I look forward to our ‘day out’ .
  • I received a ‘care package’ in the post from another online friend, full of thoughtful items – either useful, fun or edible! From comedy dvds to batteries, a massage ball to peppermints.
  • On all the occasions that I left my flat I wasn’t wearing any make up (OK, except lipstick) this is also progress – and yes, more on that in a separate post!

I hyper-focus on ‘the bright side’ – that song could be my anthem, and I’ve recognised that in the last few days I’ve been having thoughts along the lines of … Look at you, you’re doing OK. You’re fine really. You don’t need support. It’s a familiar refrain.

I know a lot about ‘getting on with it’. I know a lot less about thriving within a supportive network. Growing up, trauma was played down and I was schooled to ‘get on with it’, to such an extent that it’s one of the main reasons that I didn’t recognise that I was being deliberately harmed.

Aside from that, having spent four months housebound, showering a couple of times a month, bingeing, starving and stinking, alone, dealing with flashbacks, grief and increasing despair, the last two weeks do look like nirvana in comparison!

I have to remind myself that while it’s great to applaud each step of progress and C-E-L-E-B-R-A-T-E the small things … it feels odd to call them ‘small’ because they are huge achievements when you’ve been struggling so much, but to most people showering, going outside, doing a little shopping, taking care of the basics, are small things … I have to have an eye on the bigger picture. That’s to say that I need to recognise the difficulties I still face, the burdens I carry and the mountains I have to climb, and allow myself to get help where I can AND feel worthy of it.

There’s more on the progress front but I think I’ve given you the highlights! I’m flagging, I’m low on spoons today. I plan to do my treadmill ‘5’ then allow myself to ‘flop’ and indulge in a telly fest of Doctor Who and Pitch Battle!

I don’t know where I would be now if my friend hadn’t made that mercy dash two weeks ago. I am glad that I don’t have to think about that.

Thank you for reading. As ever, I welcome comments, conversation and tweets.

Heart x