Today in tweets.

This evening I decided to set up a Storify.com account and use some of my tweets to tell you about a key event today.

Unfortunately WordPress no longer support Storify code so I’m unable to embed the story directly into this post, but please click here to read it.

TTFN x

Operation Self Care

Regular readers may remember Operation Fight Back  – my action plan of early 2014 to help me to cope following the breakdown of my marriage and subsequent illness – here’s a sample. I needed to be as well as I could be in order to cope with the impending search for, and move to, a new home, in addition to my continuing efforts to rebuild my life – studying, plans for self employment etc. As it turned out, there was much more with which I was going to have to cope.

My health, which is already an issue, has suffered greatly because of all of that and particularly the ‘straw and camel event’ of Spring 2015. You can read more about that here and here.

I’ve written about self care on several occasions – you can find those posts, should you wish, by clicking on ‘self care’ in the tag cloud on my homepage. Self care was once anathema to me. My experiences of abuse led me to believe that self care was self-indulgent and that to indulge oneself was very wrong – certainly, at least, it was very wrong to indulge MYself in any way. I learned that I should … must, flog myself, metaphorically speaking, until I bled.

I’ve undergone several periods of counselling in the years since my abuse was disclosed and I cut myself off from what remained of my family. In the early days of counselling I learned to do away with the word should, replacing it instead with could. I also learned to have compassion for myself and that self care is an essential part of life. I learned that I am worthy of care. I also learned, after years of giving from an ’empty place’, that you cannot take care of others if you do not take care of yourself. I do have a tendency to forget the latter, and need to be reminded of it!

I know that self care is key to my being able to keep going … and ultimately to fulfil that dream of truly living. (I also know that I can’t do this alone and will need the help of others, but that is for another post.) There is much to say about self care and I know I will return to it. For now here are the basic tenets of Operation Self Care:

  • I will take care of myself physically – that includes showering regularly and brushing my teeth (depression can make you smelly!)
  • I will not withdraw but will connect with others as far as possible – using Twitter and my blog to supplement RL contact
  • I will write, write and WRITE some more – you can read here why writing is so important to me. I realise now that I have been continuing to let it fall off the bottom of my to do lists and how unhappy that has made me. I can still struggle to prioritise my needs, but I am determined from now on to always prioritise my writing. For starters, that means blogging daily, as far as is humanly possible.
  • I will do all I can to nourish myself with home-cooked food, despite my lack of money. You can read more about my new found connection with food and cooking – after abuse disconnected me from it – here.
  • I will always PACE MYSELF, I will acknowledge that I am a #spoonie, and that I am facing really challenging circumstances that would challenge anyone.
  • I will try not to fear judgement and will remember to tell myself that if someone thinks they could do better, that I’d like to see them try 😉
  • In addition to writing, I will consider other ways to incorporate things that make me happy into my life.
  • Exercise will form part of Operation Self Care, as it did Operation Fight Back, more about that in a future post.

As I have been writing. a veggie chilli has been simmering nicely in the kitchen and a second load of laundry is doing its thing. I have twenty more minutes on the clock* before I know I must stop, take time to eat and make every effort to unwind (it doesn’t come easy), before an early night. My housing support officer, newly appointed in light of the ‘straw and camel event’ and my subsequent decline, is visiting me tomorrow morning and I need to be in reasonable shape to best cope with that. She will be bringing me my first food parcel, after referring me to a local food bank; I’m still trying to process that.

*I can feel my #spoonie symptoms starting to make more of a nuisance of themselves. I hope to publish this post, send a tweet or two and rustle up a quick email reply to a pal, before the sands run out…

TTFN x

Operation Fight Back: Day 18 – Part Two and Day 19

The last couple of days have been … well … momentous is probably the word for it! There are several reasons for that, here’s more about two of them.

Yesterday I had my first job interview in a loooong time … and I survived 🙂 . It’s a post in mental health, just four days a month or thereabouts and an opportunity that I will grab with both hands if I’m offered it. My fingers are crossed.

Today I had my second appointment, in as many weeks, with my new GP (she is actually about to go on maternity leave so another change is on the cards). It was possibly the most satisfying – that’s perhaps not quite the word for it but I’m struggling to find another just now – appointment I’ve ever had. I’ve had chronic physical health problems for 15 years now. I’ve received diagnoses along the way but they have mostly either been vague or just plain inaccurate. Still problems remained, much was unexplained, and the impact on my quality of life was profound. I am an admirer of Christine Miserandino Donato author of the rather magnificent Spoon Theory . It’s an engaging read and explains well the realities of living with chronic illnesses like Christine’s and my own.

In the last three years despite being told that my suspected conditions are not progressive, I have gone on to develop many more symptoms including hair loss, further pain, dizziness, vertigo (having the sensation of motion although I am still) and skin problems. I have long thought it possible that I have an underlying autoimmune disorder. GP today agreed, ordered a battery of tests and referred me for an appointment with a specialist. I was quite honestly flabbergasted … I didn’t even have to beg!

I am not delighted to have to undergo tests and attend further appointments; I don’t want to be ill. The fact remains that I am experiencing illness which severely compromises my quality of life. I hope that at last real answers are on the horizon and I’ll no longer be left to live with it without knowing what is happening to me or having any idea of the prognosis. It’s also nigh on impossible to get any kind of financial support without concrete diagnosis (even then it’s far from easy).

It’s well documented (here’s an example) how physical health can be overlooked or sidelined in people who are experiencing mental illness. Indeed, during the worst of my major depression I lost count how many times I heard ‘oh that’ll be down to your depression/anxiety’; after recounting symptoms. Those symptoms were actually due to bile acid malabsorption, not related to depression or anxiety, and it was reading this article back in 2010 that finally ended a decade of crippling symptoms that had left me barely able to leave my home.

***

Yesterday’s treadmill stats: (no run today due to very early start for appointment at surgery. I actually felt a bit bereft at not being able to run; that’s not something I ever thought you’d hear me say!)
13mins 19 = a run of 11mins 19 (my longest yet) – 0.78 distance (furthest yet) and 70.9cals (highest yet)

Operation Fight Back: Day 17

Today did not start well as I slept badly and woke to mood still low.  I didn’t get going until around 2 o’clock this afternoon but after that I managed to attend a challenging appointment and make a number of stress inducing but vital telephone calls.

It’s late, I’m writing this on my smartphone and don’t have my specs to hand so I’ll leave it here for now except to say that, I have a job interview tomorrow.  Wish me luck!

Operation Fight Back: Day 15

To catch up, I last posted stats on Wednesday; I didn’t run on Thursday because I had an early appointment and I didn’t run on Saturday because I was away.

Treadmill stats:

For Friday 14th (because I didn’t have time to post them then), I ran for 8mins rather than the usual 10 because I knew I had a long day ahead, including travel. Pacing is VITAL when you live with chronic health issues.
10mins 30 = 8mins run – 0.57 distance and 52.9cals

and today: 12mins 32 = 10min run = 0.72 distance and 65.5 cals

I’m particularly pleased to have run this morning and got back into the routine. I have chronic physical health problems and had a bad flare up after going to the gig the day before yesterday, so barely slept that night. I was still very much feeling the effects yesterday. I slept reasonably well last night – only waking briefly three or four times – and had a long lie-in this morning … so long in fact that it was midday by the time I’d finished my exercises and run. I cut my exercise reps in half from 30 to 15 to save time and energy this morning. I ran moderately with harder bursts.