Operation Fight Back: Day 4

I can’t quite believe that I’ve just completed my fourth consecutive run … well it’s a jog really but run sounds so good :-D.

Today’s treadmill stats:

12mins 39 = 2mins brisk walk, 9mins jog, 1min brisk walk – 0.62 distance and 58.8cals

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Reading this headline on my phone this morning I gave an exclamatory “YES”. Reading a comment on a similar article which suggested that no-one is’ trapped’ into domestic abuse but chooses be there was less positive 😦 .

I’ll come back to the headline in a later post.

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I had such a LOVELY time yesterday meeting two friends of mine, who hadn’t previously met each other, for coffee. It’s so wonderful to have friendship in my life again; exploring the delights … and the many challenges it presents me, warrants a separate post.

Today’s further aims:

• Get out again – this time to resume voluntary work
• Complete an application form
• Make appt. to see doctor
• Write and post a thank you note

I didn’t sleep well again last night due to in part to pain but mostly nightmares. I’m pleased I still managed to get up at 9am. I focused on staying in the moment and only the immediate task in hand – go to the loo, take medication, dress in exercise clothing, clean teeth, do physio exercises, drink water, get onto treadmill, blog, breakfast and so on step by step by step. Thinking not that I feel terrible and that I’m worried I won’t be able to get out later or that I’m frightened by ongoing health concerns or whatever. Instead thinking of what I can do/am doing right now and that I am OK in each moment.

Operation Fight Back: Day 3

*Posts will appear on here before long with titles other than Operation Fight Back, just so you know. Variety is the spice of life after all 🙂 . *

Today I’m tired, but I’m OK. I’ve begun using a free mood tracking app this week and according to its scale, I’m hovering between OK and OK+ at the moment. Since I started the day at OK-, that’s progress!

I didn’t have a great night of sleep. It was disturbed in part by leg pain and nightmares.

I got up a few minutes after 9am.

Today’s treadmill stats: 10mins 36 – 2mins brisk walk, 5mins jog, 3mins brisk walk = 0.51 distance and 48.9 cals. I would have liked to have done more, at least equaling yesterday’s performance but preferably bettering it. Taking into account physical health problems, today I had to be content with doing something being better than nothing and reminding myself that I don’t always have to be improving.

I have more on my mind and may post more later. For now I need a rest break, so I’ll end with today’s further aims.

I met all of yesterday’s FA, except getting out which will be addressed today. I actually sent four important emails, not just the one I aimed to address, including a job application. Hurrah!

Today’s further aims:

• A little more cleaning and tidying to keep on top of things
• Getting out(!) – I’m meeting a friend for coffee at 4pm
• Make a hair appt.
• Make important phone call.
• ‘Pamper mission’

 

 

 

Operation Fight Back: Day 1

Right here, right now

I’m jumping right in with my first post because that’s what I need to do right now. In time the rest of this site will grow and a clearer picture of my situation should emerge.

Thanks, in part, to reading this post and the comments on it, today I’m feeling that my recent suicidal thoughts are ill thoughts and that if I’m ill there is a chance for me to recover or at least manage that illness. This period of illness began at Christmas, triggered by the breakdown of my marriage and all that goes with that including the impending loss of my home. Since then days like today have been in the minority. More often suicide feels like a natural response to no longer being able to cope with the excessive loss and pain I’ve experienced and further trauma that is to occur. That feels terrible and although I still wish to live and realise my dreams on those days I also feel that although terribly sad, dying will be a great relief… a release. More detailed explanation will follow as this blog grows.

What’s in a name?
Right now I’m calling this Operation Fight Back. Since I’m fighting for my life right now, that seems appropriate; that may change.

I slept well last night even better than the previous night which was a good night. I haven’t slept so well in two months. I was out of bed just before 9am – also a first for a while. I did 25 reps of all four of my physiotherapy exercises together with half a dozen stomach crunches, then for the first time in a very long time I got onto my treadmill and quickly built up to a brisk walk then a slow to moderate jog  for 12 minutes 32. It felt good.

Beyond this, today I aim to …

• eat mindfully
• get outside for the first time in two weeks
• meditate for 20 minutes
• pamper myself in some way
• maintain this blog
• connect with others