Sunshine, Sleeplessness and Soporific Solutions

I hope you’re appreciating my post titles of late, they’re jolly good, don’t you think?! 😁. 

On Friday evening I didn’t remember that my productive day would lead to a pain-filled night, courtesy of my #spoonie conditions, and so I failed to take the double dose of medication that should have ensured that I slept regardless. Consequently, I spent the entire night awake, not even the beautiful tones of Neil Nunes reading the Shipping Forecast could placate the pain. I distracted the night away by reading and making occasional writing and journaling notes.

I took my daily digestive disorder medication around 8am yesterday. Breakfast was a treat of two cranberry and sultana hot cross buns and a large mug of tea. My ‘spoonieness’, exacerbated by lack of sleep, had me feeling very nauseous, weak, unsteady on my feet and fatigued. I climbed back into bed and with pain finally easing quickly fell asleep. 

I slept for around five and a half hours until 4pm. I really dislike sleeping, even napping, during the day. It doesn’t fit with my orderly seize the day attitude. Going ‘against the grain’ is a requirement of living with chronic illness.

On waking I worried that I wouldn’t be able to sleep that night but then determined that I would. 

I did some low-level activity, made and enjoyed a tasty dinner of two vegetarian sausages, root mash (pre-prepared) and peas, while silently rejoicing that this week I’d had the means to organise, fund and receive a supermarket grocery delivery. I emptied the dishwasher and washed some glass jars that I’d soaked for a time. 

Later I did some writing, messaged a friend via social media then watched some telly on my tablet.I’d taken a double dose of my Fibromyalgia medication and soon felt sleepy. Pain grumbled then roared in my legs. I teetered on the edge of sleep, too drowsy to be of use to man or beast, automatically manoeuvring said legs in the manner of physiotherapy exercises hoping to gently soothe my sacroiliac joint and attendant pains. Thinking about that I realise that in my prone and feeble state I’d make a easy meal for a beast, so some use then … 

At some point, soon after midnight I think, I dropped off. I woke briefly at 9am this morning, conscious but too groggy to be coherent, I quickly succumbed to sleep again. Next I woke at 1pm … really 2, since of course the clocks leapt forward overnight. Praise be for my automatically updating mobile phone and tablet computer. With a fancy for the horological, I’ve more than a few clocks to alter. 

I caught my heart just before it sank at the realisation of another day half slept away. No matter, we’ve got this, I told it, or at least I encouraged myself with a general sense of that.

Blogging and a bath are the priorities of the remains of the day; insistent period pain and associated digestive consequences an unexpected companion. 

That significant post that I mentioned the other day really needs to be written today as it’s a vital part of the process of trying to finally secure support, that process shifts up a gear tomorrow with a visit from my advocate. 

It’s been a weekend of sunshine where I live: all clear blue skies and brightness. I’ve witnessed it fleetingly through my kitchen window. I ache to be out there, on a sunlit and ‘spring-embracing’ walk, but I shroud that desire and, to cope, focus instead on my alternative sunshine. I have food, I have some contact with friends, I’ve slept, I’ve been reading, I’m cleaner, I’M WRITING AGAIN, a vital meeting is set to take place tomorrow, I think there may be hope; there may not be enough hope. I’ll concentrate on the first part, leaving the latter part of that sentence – oh God, how it feels like a sentence to be served –  to languish in the fog

Dear Reader, I wish  you some sunshine of your own. 


Catch them while you can 

A quick post for film and radio fans.  

I’ve loved World Cinema, foreign films some might say, since I was in my late teens. In my twenties I’d gleefully seek satisfaction in Blockbusters, always finding myself alone in that particular section,  even if the shop was busy! 

I tried without success to co-opt my university boyfriend, a film fan, but the subtitles were a barrier. The next chap, who became my husband, was more amenable. He was also perturbed by subtitles but persevered. Still, it was only ever a sideline for him. In his eyes you couldn’t beat a US blockbuster. 

Then came ‘Scandi Noir’, forerunners like The Killing and The Bridge led the way for an influx of overseas drama to British television screens. I’m delighted of course but can’t help feeling slightly aggrieved that my once niche interest has become mainstream :D. 

I recently came upon two gems amd I really recommend that you watch them. The Lunchbox (2013) is the lighter of the two. I haven’t seen a huge amount of Indian cinema but I’m certainly inspired by this offering; it’s a delight. I’ll say no more than that it’s warm and engaging. Two Days, One Night (2014), from France, is equally engaging and even more moving.Mental illness is a background theme but it’s more about community and pulling together … or not. Both films were shown on BBC4 and are available to watch now on BBC iPlayer.

On BBC iPlayer Radio, I recommend that you seek out Dangerous Visions: Resistance, a drama about the advent of antibiotic resistance by acclaimed Scottish crime writer Val McDermid . I caught the second episode on BBC Radio 4 and loved it. I plan to catch up with the rest of the three episode series this evening. 

Daylight and a whiff of fresh air

It’s 6pm. I’m sprawled on my bed, tapping this out on my phone, squinting because I’m tired and I’m not wearing my specs. 

I’m feeling sore (meaning in this case in pain rather than angry or grumpy, should I happen to have any American readers :)) but I’m also feeling accomplished.

And here I relent, shift myself to close my bedroom window and the window blind, before putting on a light and then donning my specs after cleaning them. 

It’s not easy to type a blog post on a phone when you need to hold said phone at arm’s length to prevent the text from becoming blurry. I really need to visit my optician. I was due to have an eye test last June but have put it off because for now I can’t afford to buy a new pair of glasses.

Still, I digress, I’m feeling accomplished because I’ve had a productive day … although perhaps not what many people would consider all that productive or fruitful.

I spent an hour detangling my dirty matted hair; cleaned my teeth and took a shower for the first time in a fortnight, before getting dressed.I stripped my bed and threw open the bedroom window, giving me my first clear sight of daylight and.hint of fresh air in two weeks.

I liberated my kitchen from under the detritus strewn worktops by way of three dishwasher loads, a sinkful of dishes, and much wiping and tidying. 

With seven extremely brown bananas begging not to be wasted, I baked a quick batch of banana and oat bars using four of them (I’ll make a banana loaf tomorrow to use up the rest), four cups of organic porridge oats and eight tablespoons of milk. They make a healthy snack. They’re pretty irregular in size, today was not a day for perfectionism! BBC Radio 4 was a very welcome companion, particularly the engrossing Resistance by Val McDermid.

I cleared and dealt with the mound of mail piled behind my flat door, and organised a batch of recyclables.

I composed and sent vital emails to my physiotherapist and a local advocacy service. I’ve crunched my way through  a bowl of cornflakes, quaffed a very large mug of tea, and scoffed a couple of the banana oat bars. I’ve blogged … twice!

I am very tidy and very organised and other people often describe my home as immaculate. I care about and take care over my appearance. I’m also resourceful, driven and very self motivated. Exceptional circumstances left me unable to take care of myself or my home in recent weeks. Whatever you might imagine, I doubt that you could guess correctly … 

And on that thrilling cliffhamger, for now I must stop writing for the sake of my increasing pain levels, and your attention span ;), and I must remake my bed before I seize up entirely! 

See you anon …